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What to Do if Your Friends Are Leaving You Out

By Rebecca Doughty . Updated: May 5, 2019
What to Do if Your Friends Are Leaving You Out

We usually associate feeling left out by our friends as something that happens when we're younger, but actually it is something that can affect us at any age, whether it be friends, family, or work colleagues. No matter our age or situation, these feelings can be upsetting, hurtful and even make us feel quite lonely, so it's important that we try and acknowledge these feelings and address the situation to try and resolve it. There are many ways you can cope when you experience these emotions, so in this oneHOWTO article, we're going to advise what to do if your friends are leaving you out.

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Steps to follow:
1

When we are feeling left out or excluded from our friendship group, it can lead to us feeling rejected, lonely and a little hurt. But the first step to dealing with this problem, is looking at why we feel that way. What has happened for us to conclude that we are being left out?

Often these things are not intentional, and our friends would usually not do something to deliberately hurt us. So look objectively at the situation, and consider it from your friends' perspective too. If you weren't invited to a particular event or activity, could there be a reason, was it something your friends thought you may not enjoy, or something not to your taste? Did they have reason to think you were otherwise busy. Assess all the other options before making any conclusions.

You also need to be honest with yourself. Have you been particularly demanding or bossy recently, or have you given your friends reason to not invite you or include you? Sometimes we can be quick to feel victimized when it is fact our own actions that have lead to us feeling this way.

2

Remind yourself that feeling excluded by your friends doesn't mean that they don't like you, and doesn't mean you aren't a good friend. Of course these situations can hurt and sometimes make feel bad about yourself. But remember that it is not a reflection on you as a person.

Try talking to somebody you trust about how you are feeling left out by your friends. Asking for advice and reassurance from somebody can often make us feel a lot better, and it can help to assess the situation from an outside perspective too.

Trying to cheer yourself up and feel better about yourself by doing something relaxing and fun can really help too. Try not to dwell on the feelings but accept them and address them. You're feeling hurt and upset with your friends, that's natural and understandable, but keeping busy and starting to move on will enable you to calmly speak to your friends about the situation when you're feeling ready to.

3

Talking to your friends about how you are feeling left out is the best way to address the situation and to help you get clarity on why you are feeling this way.

Although you may be feeling upset, try not to sound accusing, as you don't know that they have intentionally tried to upset you, and it may just be a misunderstanding. Ask them if there was a reason why you weren't invited or told about (certain activity), say you'd have liked to have gone too and you felt a bit hurt that they hadn't asked you.

What to Do if Your Friends Are Leaving You Out - Step 3
4

It's important that you listen, and pay attention to your friends' responses. They may be shocked that you are feeling this way, and as mentioned previously it's been a misunderstanding - in which case, great! They may have thought you were busy, or skint and not included you in an invite due to these reasons.

If there has been conflict or issues in your friendships and they feel they had reason for not including you, it may be your turn to apologise.

Either way, work towards finding a solution together and use this time to fix any assumptions or disagreements that may have arisen. It can be tough to make up with a friend after an argument but let them know you value their friendship and you'll find they also value yours!

If you want to read similar articles to What to Do if Your Friends Are Leaving You Out, we recommend you visit our Friendship category.

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1 comment
Constance
Hi,
How are you? My name is Constance Amadi. I was wondering if i can get permission to use the picture on the post for a flier for a youth and young adults event i am planning. I would greatly appreciate your kind response.
OneHowTo Editor
Hi Constance,
The picture on our article is bought through a licence that allows us to use it. You may be able to purchase it on main stock photo companies.
Best wishes

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